Saturday, December 2, 2023
Police Jokes

0 321
Designated Drunk Jokes Times

Neighbours had complained to the mayor about the noisy pub on the corner of 3rd & Lambourne. Seems that the old cronies got together every friday & saturday, played cards, drank beer, told lies and jokes till 2am Saturday morning, when the pub had to close.

Officer Redding, parked down the street was not amused. He checked his watch, noted it was 01:55, time for the old drunks to start leaving. If he hadn’t been assigned this crap detail he’d be down at the I-80 Truck stop about now having a nice hot cup of coffee. Redding pulled out a cigarette and was about to light up when the door of the pub slammed open and an old geezer stumbled out. Redding put the smoke back in the pack; he was ‘on point’ now. The old man stumbled around, fished his car keys out of his pocket, dropped them a couple of times, finally found them and weaved down the sidewalk and across the road to his car. Redding started his engine, watching carefully as the old man fumbled to unlock his door. Other patrons leaving the pub seemed a little tipsy, but nothing like the old goat trying to get into his car. As soon as the old man’s car started to pull away from the curb, Redding was on him like a hound on a bone, siren, red lights and loud speaker. Redding wanted these complaining neighbours to know the city was doing it’s job.

“Outta the car, old man!” demanded Redding.
“But officer, I haven’t had anything to drink!” complained the old man.
“Sure, you haven’t, old timer, sure you haven’t”, replied Redding as he put on the cuffs on the old man and hauled him downtown.

At the station, the old man blew into the breathalyzer, and the needle didn’t move.

“What the… YOU haven’t been drinking, old timer!” Redding exclaimed.
“But that’s what i tried to tell you back there, officer!” explained the old man.
“Well then why were you stumbling all over the place?” asked Redding.
“Well, officer, tonight when we all got to the pub, they elected me to be the ‘designated drunk’ when the place closed down!”

0 128
What Shall We Sing Jokes Times

A down and up musician was playing his harmonica in the middle of a busy shopping mall. Striding over, a policeman asked, “May I please see your permit?”

“I don’t have one,” confessed the musician. “In that case, you’ll have to accompany me.” “Splendid!” exclaimed the musician. “What shall we sing?”

0 219
Brussels Police Jokes Times

“Brussels police department, how may I assist you?”

“Uh.. yes.. I just got hit in the face with a cream pie.”

“Okay, sir. Have you called the Brussels police department before?”

“No”

“Well, let me get a little information about you for our records.
Your name?”

“Bill Gates”

“Country?”

“USA”

“Native language?”

“English”

“Okay, sir. Your police department ID number is BP31415927. Please
use this number the next time you call. Now, you say you were hit in
the face with a pie?”

“Yes, I was just about to meet with the Belgian Prime Minister. One
person distracted me while another hit me with a cream pie.”

“We’ve had other customers report that they were hit in the face with
a custard pie. Are you sure it was a cream pie?”

“Well, I have white stuff all over my face and I don’t see any
custard, so I really don’t think it was a custard pie.”

“Have you visited the Prime Minister before?”

“Yes”

“Were you hit in the face with a pie then?”

“No”

“Hmm… have you visited any other Prime Ministers in the past month?”

“Yes”

“Any pies then?”

“No”

“Okay, well.. let’s try something. Go outside the building and come
in again. I’ll wait.”

“Just a minute..” “Okay, I’m back.”

“Did you get hit by another pie?”

“Of course not”

“Well sir, I don’t know what could have caused the first pie, but it
looks like things are working fine now. I’ll make a note of the
problem, though. If it happens again, please note the exact details
of the situation and call us again. Thank you for calling the
Brussels Police Department. “

YOU MAY LIKE

A Vacationing Penguin Jokes Times

0 188
A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil...
New Technology Jokes Times

Chauvinist Statements Jokes Times

Visit to the Doctor Jokes Times

The Horny Camel Jokes Times

FACEBOOK

4,844FansLike