Sunday, October 17, 2021
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Upgrade Jokes TImes

On little Larry’s first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the room and said, ‘I don’t belong here, I should be in third grade!’

The teacher looked at little Larry’s records and told him to please take his seat. Not five minutes passed when little Larry stood up again and said, ‘I don’t belong here, I should be in the third grade!’ Larry did this a few more times before the principal came along and the teacher explained Larry’s problem.

The principal and the first grade teacher told little Larry that if he could answer some questions that they could decide in which grade he belonged. Well, they soon discovered that Larry knew all the state capitals and country capitals that the principal could think of.

The teacher suggested they try some biology questions… ‘What does a cow have 4 of but a woman has only 2?’ asked the teacher.

‘Legs!’ Larry immediately replied.

‘What does a man have in his pants that a woman doesn’t?’ asked the teacher.

‘Pockets!’ said Larry.

The teacher looked at the principal, who said, ‘Maybe he should be in third grade, I missed those last two questions!’

Learn New Sports Fast Jokes Times

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, ‘Son, how old are you?’ ‘Eight’, the boy replied.

The man continued, ‘Do you know what these are used for?’ The boy replied, ‘Not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They’re for him. He’s my brother. He’s four.

We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike.

Right now, he can’t do none of those’.

Boys will be Boys jokes Times

OK, I’m the only female in a house full of guys. 4 sons and a hubby. Toilet seat is never down…etc.

SOOOOoooooooooo I’m the only one who would be using Female Product’s…..correct?

A STRANGE thing was happening at my house. Tampons were disappearing. *Insert Twilight Zone theme here *

Ok….A few months ago I went to my cupboard to get out a tampon and there was ONLY one left. I could have sworn I had just bought a box the month before. So, I go back to the store, buy a new box and forget about it.

The next month (T.O.M) I go back to the cupboard…..and VOILA….there is only ONE tampon left again. What’s going on here? Gremlins??? I go to the store and buy another box, and forget about it.

WELL…..I decided to clean out my two youngest sons closet and LOW and BEHOLD….at the bottom of their closet are the wrappers, applicators and the tampons themselves.

I am starting to FREAK!!! Dear God, what are they doing with them??????

I get a hold of myself and tell myself that I am an adult and can handle this, despite the bizarre thoughts running through my mind. I’m thinking,”Do I have enough money saved up in the bank for MAJOR THERAPY?”

I go to the top of the stairs and yell for my two youngest sons to “COME HERE!!!!”

They march up the stairs and find me in their room staring into the bottom of their closet.

I said “What are you doing with THOSE? THOSE are MINE!”

My 12 year old looks like a deer caught in the headlights and is silent.

My 10 year old looks at me all innocent and says. “Well, Mom, we were playing with our G.I. Joes and stuff… and THOSE make really good SCUD missiles… What do YOU use them for?”

“NEVER MIND!! GO PLAY!!!!”

The wealthy old gentleman and his wife were celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary and their three grown sons joined them for dinner.

The old man was rather irritated when he discovered that none of the boys had bothered to bring a gift, and after the meal, he drew them aside.

“You’re all grown men,” he said, “and old enough to hear this. Your mother and I have never been legally married.”

“What?” gasped one of the sons. “Do you mean to say we’re all bastards?”

“Yes,” snapped the old man, “and cheap ones, too!”

Circulation Jokes Times

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.”

“Yes,” the class said.

“Then why is it that while am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”

A little fellow shouted, “Cause your feet ain’t empty.”

My Computer Crashed Joeks Times

Customer: “My computer crashed!”
Tech Support: “It crashed?”

Customer: “Yeah, it won’t let me play my game.”
Tech Support: “All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot.”

Customer: “No, it didn’t crash-it crashed.”
Tech Support: “Huh?”

Customer: “I crashed my game. That’s what I said before. I crashed mySpaceship and now it doesn’t work.”
Tech Support: “Click on ‘File,’ then ‘New Game.'”

Customer: [pause] “Wow! How’d you learn how to do that?”

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