Friday, March 29, 2024
Animal Jokes

3 Legged Chicken Jokes Times

A man was driving down a country road one day at 45 kilometre per hour when suddenly he noticed a 3-legged chicken running at the same speed beside his truck.

Though he thought this odd, the man decided to speed up so he wouldn’t cause an accident with the chicken.

The man sped up to 55 kilometre per hour, but low and behold, so did the 3-legged chicken.

The man then sped up to 65 kilometre per hour only to again be equalled in speed by the 3-legged chicken.

As the man watched in amazement, the chicken suddenly made a sharp left turn and took off down a side road toward a small farm.

The man quickly also made the left turn and followed the chicken to the small farm, parking out front. Looking around the man found the farmer around back in the midst of many 3-legged chickens.

After greeting the farmer, the man asked him why he was raising 3-legged chickens. “Well we figure,” said the farmer, “that with an average family of 3 people, only 2 can have a chicken leg with an average chicken.

But with a three legged chicken, each member of the family can enjoy a chicken leg of their own.” “That’s pretty wise,” said the man, who then asked “Well how do your 3-legged chickens taste?”

“I don’t know,” said the farmer. “We’ve never been able to catch one.”

Talking Dog Jokes Times

A man tried to sell his neighbour a new dog.

“This is a talking dog,” he said. “And you can have him for five dollars.”

The neighbour said, “Who do you think you’re kidding with this talking dog stuff? There ain’t no such animal.

“Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. “Please buy me, Sir,” he pleaded.

“This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never bathes me, never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest trick dog in America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and was decorated ten times.”

“Hey!” said the neighbour. “He can talk. Why do you want to sell him for just five dollars?”

“Because,” said the seller, “I’m getting tired of all his lies.”

0 944
New Breed of Dogs Jokes Times

There is this per shop that cross breed different breeds of dogs to get more sales. And they crossed a pit bull with a collie.

That dog bites off humans’ leg and goes for help.

Special Dinner Jokes Times

A very traditional elderly woman was enjoying a good game of bridge with her girlfriends one evening. “Oh, no! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He’s going to really ticked if it’s not ready on time!” she exclaimed suddenly.

When she got home, she realized that she didn’t have enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she had in the cupboard was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband pulled up.

She greeted her husband and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner. To her surprise, the husband really enjoyed his dinner. “Darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day.”

Needless to say, every bridge night from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish. She told her bridge cronies about it and they were all horrified.

“You’re going to kill him!” they exclaimed.

Two months later, her husband died.

The women were sitting around the table playing bridge when one of the cronies said, “You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband?”

The wife stoically replied, “I didn’t kill him. He fell off the mantel while he was cleaning himself.”

Petting the Dog Jokes Times

While waiting for a bus, the blind man’s dog decided to go to the bathroom all over the blind man’s legs.

A passer-by commented to the blind man, “What! That dog just went to the bathroom all over your legs, and you are petting him?! Are you crazy?

“To which the blind man replied, “Madam, I am not petting him, I am feeling for his bottom, so I can kick him.”

0 184
Nice Touch Jokes Times

At The Pearly Gates to Heaven. St Peter is receptionist at the entrance.

A cat shows up. St Peter says “I know you! You were a very nice cat on earth and didn’t cause any trouble, so I want to offer a gift to you of one special thing you have always wanted.”

Cat: “Well, I did always long to own a nice satin pillow like my master had, so I could lie on it.”

St Peter: “That’s easy. Granted. You shall have the satin pillow after you enter in.”

Next a group of mice appeared.

St Peter: “Ah, I remember you. You were such good mice on earth. You didn’t steal food from anyone’s house and never hurt other animals. Therefore, I want to grant you one special wish you always wanted.”

The Chief Mouse replied, “Well, we always watched the children playing and saw them roller skate, and it was beautiful, and it looked like so much fun. So can we each have some roller skates,
please?” St Peter: “Granted. You shall have your wish.”

Next day, St Peter is making the rounds inside the Gates, and sees the cat. “Well, Cat…Did you enjoy the satin pillow?”

Cat: “Oh, indeed I did. And say…that “Meals on Wheels” thing was a nice touch, too!”

YOU MAY LIKE

Deaf Newlyweds Jokes Times

0 434
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they...
Three Nurses Jokes TImes

Microsoft Help Desk Jokes Times

Motivation Jokes Times

The Points System Jokes Times

FACEBOOK

4,844FansLike