Tuesday, July 16, 2019
Tags Posts tagged with "Dog"

Dog

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C Monkey Jokes Times

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper “I’ll have a C-monkey please”. The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop, and took out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash and handed it to the customer, saying “That’ll be $5000”.

The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, “That was a very expensive monkey most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?”

The shopkeeper answered, “Ah, that monkey can program in C – very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money.”

The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. “That one’s even more expensive – $10,000! What does it do?” “Oh, that one’s a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff,” said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own.The price tag around its neck read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, “That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?”

The shopkeeper replied, “Well, I haven’t actually seen it do anything, but it says it’s a consultant.”

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No Pets Allowed Jokes Times

There’s a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to the guy with a Chihuahua, “Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.” The guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us and pets are not allowed in there.” The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, “Just follow my lead.”

They walked over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk. A guy at the door says, “Sorry sir, no pets allowed.” The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, “You don’t understand, this is my seeing-eye dog.” The guy at the door says, “A Doberman Pinscher?” The guy with the Doberman Pinshcer says, “Yes, they’re using them now, they’re very good.” The guy at the door says, “Come on in.”

The guy with the Chihuahua also puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk to the door. The guy at the door says, “Sorry sir, no pets allowed.” The guy with the Chihuahua says, “You don’t understand, this is my seeing-eye dog.” The guy at the door says, “A Chihuahua?” The guy with the Chihuahua replies, “You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?”

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Seeing Eye Dog Jokes Times

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head.

The manager runs up to the man and asks, “What are you doing?!!”

The blind man replies, “Just looking around.”

Baby Planes Jokes Times

A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”

The mother said, “Well, maybe that’s something you could ask the stewardess.”

So the boy asked the stewardess, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”

The stewardess responded, “Did your mother tell you to ask me?”

The boy admitted that this was the case. “Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you.”

Veterinarian Jokes Times

Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, known for his wry humor. He surpassed himself one summer day when a city dog was brought to him after an encounter with a porcupine.

After almost an hour of prying, pulling, cutting and stitching, he returned the dog to its owner, who asked what she owed.

“Fifty dollars, Ma’am,” he answered.

“Why that’s simply outrageous!” she stormed. “That’s what’s wrong with you Maine people, you’re always trying to over charge summer visitors. Whatever do you do in the winter, when we’re not being gypped here?”

“Raise porcupines, Ma’am.”

On a Lonely Island Jokes Times

A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There’s plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he’s doing alright – but after a few months he gets lonely…

The pig starts to look more and more attractive – soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg.

Very frustrating. One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious. He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health.

Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him “Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don’t know how I can ever repay you. I’ll do anything for you, anything, just name it.”

The guy thinks for a minute and says, “Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?”

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