A woman was telling her friend, “It is I who made my husband a millionaire.”
“And what was he before you married him?” asked the friend.
The woman replied, “A billionaire”.
Millionaire
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Thirsty Snake
Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realised he had forgotten to bring any bait.
Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat and went about his fishing.
An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pantleg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth…
Remember The Days
A computer was something on TV
from a science fiction show of note
A window was something you hated to clean…
Ram was the cousin of a goat…
Meg was the name of my girlfriend
Gig was a job for the nights
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano
Memory was something that you lost with age
A cd was a bank account
Compress was something you did to the garbage, not something you did to a file
If you unzipped anything in public, you’ be in jail for a while
Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider’s home
A virus was the flu
I hear nobody’s been killed in a computer crash, but when it happens they wish they were dead
What’s in the Bag?
One day Adam and Eve looked up and saw God standing there holding a bag.
“Hi, God. What’s in the bag?” asked Eve.
“These are a couple of things that I have left over from creation.”God rummages around in the bag a moment. “Who wants to be able to pee standing up?”
Adam immediately puts his hand up in the air, waving frantically. “Me! Me! Me! Oh, oh, PLEASE, God, let me have it! Just think of how much more work I could get done in the fields if I could pee standing up! And it would help SO MUCH when I’m out hunting! Oh, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me have it!”
“Well, OK, here. Now, let’s see what else we have.” God rummages about a bit more in the bag. “Ah, right. Multiple orgasms.”
New Pilot
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?” “The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,” explained the Flight Attendant, “and it took us a while to find a new pilot.”
Frog Sound
There were three little boys visiting their grandparents.
The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, “Can you make a sound like a frog, Grandpappy?
Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds, “No, I don’t really want to make the sound of a frog now.”
So, the second little boy comes out and asks his grandfather, “Will You please make a sound like a frog?”
Grandpa again says, “No, not now. I don’t really want to do that.I’m in a grumpy mood. Maybe later.”
Then the third little boy comes out and says, “Grandpa, oh please…Please, please will you make a sound like a frog?”
“Why do all of you boys want me to make a sound like a frog?” Grandpa Asked.
The little boy replied with a hopeful face, “Well, Mom said that when you croak we get to go to Disney World!”
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I have No Idea
Question: How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: Two. But I have no idea how they get in there.
