Thursday, May 23, 2019
Tags Posts tagged with "Money"

Money

Deathbed Request Jokes Times

A man lying on his deathbed requested that his wife gather up all his money and place it in the attic. He would pick it up on his way out of this life.

Being the faithful, loving wife she had been for over 50 years, she did as she was told. Soon, the man died.

Weeks later, she remembered his request and went to the attic to see if he had followed through.

There, in the same place where she had left it, was the money. “I knew it,” she exclaimed, “I should have put it in the basement.”

The Druggist Jokes Times

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, “It’s the druggist – he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone.” Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, “Now, just a minute – listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket.

Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook.”

He continued, “Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels – the phone was still ringing – when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it…half of them hit the floor and broke.

Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife – she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer, and believe me, Mister, I TOLD HER!

0 118
Boys and Girls Prayers Jokes Times

A Girls Prayer:

Lord,
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who’s not a creep,
One who’s handsome, smart and strong,
One who’s willy is thick and long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
When he promises to call, he won’t wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash, won’t be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! send me a man who’ll make love to my mind,
Knows just what to say,
when I ask “How big’s my behind?”
One who’ll make love till my body’s a twitchin,
In the hall, the loo, the garden and kitchen!
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And never attempt to shag my best friend.
And as I kneel and pray by my bed,
I look at the creep you sent me instead.
Amen.

A Boy’s Prayer:

Lord,
I pray for a nympho with huge boobs
who owns a beer store.
Amen

Printer Cleaning Jokes Times

When my printer’s type began to grow faint, I called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.

Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told me, I might be better off reading the printer’s manual and trying the job myself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, I asked, “Does your boss know that you discourage business?”

“Actually it’s my boss’s idea,” the employee replied sheepishly. “We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first.”

0 144
Retired Engineer Jokes Times

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. But the company in order to save money, didn’t pay him extra pension for his retirement.

Several years later, the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail.

In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.

He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small “x” in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, “This is where your problem is.”

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company then received a bill of $50,000 from the retired engineer for his service.

The company demanded an itemised account for his charges. The engineer responded with a following invoice: Chalk: $1.00, Knowing where to cross an “x”: $49,000.

1 75
Four Life-long Friends Jokes Times

Four life-long friends, a doctor, lawyer, professor and a businessman, belonging to the same exclusive club had made a pact. When anyone of them dies, they agreed the others will lay $5,000 each inside his coffin so he’ll have some spending money in the after life.

Well, one day the professor passes away. At his funeral, the three friends took turns going up to his coffin and paying their last respects.

The doctor was first, laying 50 $100 bills inside the casket. Next was the businessman, tearfully placing his $5,000 cash next to the deceased friend.

Then the lawyer approached the coffin, wrote out a cheque for $15,000, laid it in the casket and picked up the $10,000 in cash!

YOU MAY LIKE

Life Before The Computer Jokes Times

0 73
Memory was something you lost with age An application was for employment A program was a TV show A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a piano A web...
Power Outage Jokes Times

Sick Man From Iraq Jokes Times

Peeing Jokes Times

Windows Start Button Jokes Times

FACEBOOK

4,965FansLike