Monday, June 17, 2019
Tags Posts tagged with "Airport"

Airport

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Airport Encounters Jokes Times

I was in the airport VIP lounge in route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink.

I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late.

Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, “Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor.”

“Yes?”

“I’m sitting right over there,” pointing to my seat at the bar, “and I’m waiting on a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say, ‘Hi, Ray,’?”

“Sure.”

I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat.

About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business.

A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates.

“Hi, Ray,” he said.

I replied, “Get lost Gates, I’m in a meeting.”

Sorry, We Cannot Do That Jokes Times

A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the airline counter, she presented her ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her luggage, she made the remark, “I’d like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to London.”

The confused agent said, “I’m sorry, we can’t do that.” The student replied, “Really??? I am so relieved to hear you say that because that’s exactly what you did to my luggage last year!”

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Parcel for her Son Jokes Times

A woman was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where her husband was stationed in the military. As she checked in at the airport, the customs agent asked her some standard security questions.

“Has anyone given you any packages that you didn’t pack yourself?” he asked. The woman told him that her mother-in-law had given her a parcel to take to her son. The customs agent looked at the woman in a very carefully and asked, “Does she like you?”

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50 Rules for Men Jokes Times

A Woman’s 50 Rules for Men

For those of you who are guys, pay close attention to the following:

  1. Call.
  2. Don’t lie.
  3. Never tape any of her body parts together.
  4. If guys’ night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
  5. If guys’ night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No petting.
  6. The correct answer to, “Do I look fat?”, is never, ever, “Yes.”
  7. Ditto for “Is she prettier than me?”
  8. Victoria’s Secret is good. Frederick’s of Hollywood is bad.
  9. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
  10. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
  11. “Honey”, “Darling”, and “Sweetheart” are good. “Nag”, “Lardass”, and “Bitch” are bad.
  12. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
  13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
  14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.
  15. Her cooking is excellent.
  16. That isn’t an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
  17. Dish soap is your friend.
  18. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
  19. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
  20. Answering “Who was that on the phone?” with “Nobody” is never going to end that conversation.
  21. Ditto for “Whose lipstick is this?”
  22. Two words: clean socks.
  23. Believe it or not, you’re probably not more attractive when you’re drunk.
  24. Burping is not sexy.
  25. You’re wrong.
  26. You’re sorry.
  27. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.
  28. Ditto for your discourse on football.
  29. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
  30. “Will you marry me?” is good. “Let’s shack up together” is bad.
  31. Don’t assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
  32. Don’t assume PMS doesn’t exist.
  33. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
  34. “But, we kiss…” is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don’t clean plaque with your tongue.
  35. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11 p.m.
  36. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
  37. Pick her up at the airport. Don’t whine about it, just do it.
  38. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don’t act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
  39. Don’t tell her you love her if you don’t.
  40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
  41. Always, always suck up to her brother.
  42. Think boxers.
  43. Silk boxers.
  44. Remember Valentine’s Day, and any cheesy “anniversary” she so names.
  45. Don’t try to change the way she dresses.
  46. Her haircut is never bad.
  47. Don’t let your friends pick on her.
  48. Call.
  49. Don’t lie.
  50. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question.

The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your ass smoking cigars isn’t fair either, and it balances everything.

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The Electric Trainset Jokes Times

A few days after Christmas, a mother working in the kitchen, was listening to her son play with his new electric train set. She heard the train stop and her son said ‘all you sons of bitches who are getting off, get the hell off now, and all of you sons of bitches who are getting on-get your asses on the train cause we’re leaving right now.’

The mother went into the living room and told her son, ‘we don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room for two hours. When you come out, you may play with your train but you must use nicer language.’

Two hours later, Her son came out of his room and resumed playing with his train.

Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, ‘All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope that you will ride with us again. For those of you just boarding, we ask that you stow all hand luggage under your seat. Remember that there is no smoking except in the club car. We hope that you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today. For those of you who are pissed off because of the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.’

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Lost In Seattle Jokes Times

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft’s electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter’s position and course to steer to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter’s window. The pilot’s sign said ‘WHERE AM I?’ in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said ‘YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.’

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how the ‘YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER’ sign helped determine their position.

The pilot responded ‘I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because they gave me a technically correct, but completely useless answer.’

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